A Bad day.
This fits the bill perfectly;
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, I’ll try again tomorrow.
~Mary Anne Radmacher~
The list of things I had planned for today. Naively.
- Nice walk with the dudes.
- Food prep for the week.
- Sanding and waxing of my latest project.
- Complete my 90-day check-in in my “Daily Greatness” journal. PAH!
- Finish the hat I’ve been knitting, sewing the buttons on.
- Dog coat alterations.
List of things I achieved today:
- Got dressed.
For a few hours, then got back into my pyjamas. Because that’s just how I roll.
So, that’s been my frustration for today!
Do you ever feel like you’re forever telling yourself that tomorrow will be better? Tomorrow I’ll beat this fatigue and fly through all my good intentions and more. Tomorrow I won’t be floored by this nausea; head spinning and NONE of the food I eat will disagree with me. Do you fool yourself that you’d cope so much better with the relentless pain if you could just get a few hours of truly restful sleep?
As repetitive as it may be, my reflex response to my productivity, or lack of fits this quote exactly. My one consistency throughout all of this is, picking myself up again. No matter what I’m going through, WE are going through, I always try to look at what I have achieved. Even if it’s not something tangible. I may have found inspiration or my next book to read. Researched and written. Meditated, and worked on my spirituality.
This is difficult. Writing this is difficult. We all know the fog too well and formulating any kind of coherent sentences, especially on days like today, takes me longer than I’d like to admit. I can’t even proof read before I publish because it doesn’t register anyway, so it’s a pointless task. I’m afraid you’ll have to take me as I am.
As devastating as that is for me, I think it’s truly important to share days like today. We spend all of our time with our masks on:
“ I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Of course I can do that for you. “
Hopefully one momentous positive to come from this technological age in which we live, is that from all walks of life, all around the world, all sufferers of each evil chronic illness, can come together in this faceless cyber world and shed the masks that protect our dignity. We don’t need to hide here. We can be honest, raw, ourselves, our true fighting, WARRIOR selves!! No surrendering of dignity required. Promise!
I genuinely believe that better days will come. Keep taking those baby steps forward and one day, it will all make sense. I’m not deluded into thinking that I’ll miraculously be cured or win the lottery, don’t get me wrong. But I believe that good times give us lasting memories and bad times teach us lessons. That in mind, we should all have our cap and gown ceremony together. Wearing pyjamas and forgetting our speeches, when we gather together to accept these FibroLife PhD’s we will all be entitled to from these lessons learned.
(That may very well make no sense, so I apologize. It did in my head.)
I also think my computer is set to American English as it wants to autocorrect everything to include a ‘Z’, minus a ‘U’ and change pyjamas to pajamas??? I appreciate I don’t exactly speak the queens English, but pyjamas are pyjamas and I shall not give in to this madness.
I think it maybe me that’s mad. Why am I still ranting about this? Pregabalin. I blame the soddin’ Pregabalin!!! Please agree!
I always digress. I hope you’ve managed to stay with me to this point as I promise I’m about to get back on track!! Well, you know, the wibbly wobbly, train can’t stay upright track, you know the one!!
So, where was I………?
Yeh so, I do believe it’s courageous for us to accept our bad days, move on to the next with a positive mindset and try our bloody best all over again. It’s not narcissistic to advertise and honour this trait. It’s our lives. It’s how we live; it’s the only way we can. We can’t dwell too much on our so-called shortcomings. Although let’s be frank here, we all do, but as long as we keep strong, shake it off and say “No more”, then who can ask more of us than that?
I’ve completely lost my trail of thought now. Which, now I think of it, have been saying all my life; yet recently I discovered that “apparently” its train, not trail. Which I understand, the whole train through your mind etc., but wouldn’t you miss a train, not lose it?? You’re more likely to get lost on a “trail” surely? Well it makes sense that way in my mind, so I’m sticking with it. Even if it brands me stupid and weird. I can deal with that!
I really do feel like I had a good point to make when I first sat down to write this. Now I’m acutely aware that I’ve just nonsensically rambled on. I’m just proud that I can still remember how to spell naively. No spell check required for that bad boy. Just sayin’.
Wait a cotton pickin’ minute!! Maybe that is the point, the rambling, nonsensically. That’s a bad day ladies and gentlemen (if you pushed yourself this far that is). Nailed it. Be sure to tip your waitress, I’m here all night, literally!!!