Love your fucking life. Take pictures of everything. Tell people you love them. Talk to random strangers. Do things that you’re scared to do. Fuck it, because so many of us die and no one remembers a thing we did. Take your life and make it the best story in the world. Don’t waste that shit.
Ok so, excuse the aforementioned language. (Is it just me who takes things much more seriously when its cursed?!) This is a quote that I have just come across, on Facebook of all places. Well let’s be honest, it’s the usual place to find anything these days!
But anyway, it’s late at night. Prepare yourselves for some all too familiar ranting’s;
I have had a pounding headache for the past, at least 3 days. It likes to have fun and spread down my temples and into my cheekbones. AWESOMENESS. True story. So, yeh, that. Plus the usual numb/tingling/shooting pain ridiculous right arm pain syndrome we all love and know so well. Throbbing fingers, but unusually not just my arthritic joints tonight. I also have some weird blister, then raw, swollen hot throbbing fingernail/tip situation going on! Life just doesn’t get much more exciting than this for me these days! What a hoot I am!!
So now the back-story is complete, I can explain the introductory expletives.
So me and my numb/deep aching arm and swollen scabby fingers were trawling through Facebook whilst chilling out with the dudes in bed. No I’m not a “player” with fibro (etc.), the dudes are my puglets!! I came across said quote and thought, “yeh scabby, just get over it, smile, laugh, go a bit mental. Dance in the (now crazy) rain, after a beautiful sunny afternoon may I add. Just get out there and live.” Anyone with me on the lack of living going on amongst the pain? I cant be the only one who seems so incapable of “hacking it” like so many warriors seem to do!!
You know what’s funny. Not funny HA HA, but funny-funny. Like most, in the technical Dr Google age in which we now live, I read MANY an article entitled “living with fibro”……………..seriously? SERIOUSLY?
So now, until future notice, I put forth that we use the title “existing with fibro” because come on, that’s what we do. For the most part we exist. We may snatch moments or the odd feeling of truly “living”, but we are robbed of so much of life, proper living life. There is so much people just don’t understand.
Admittedly and shamefully, I was probably one of those people. Not someone who didn’t understand, but someone who was completely oblivious to this painful world that such a huge percentage live in. I was stuck in my grueling job, stressed beyond my coping point, on a daily basis. No wonder I’m sick, I hear you cry!!! As awful as it sounds, I was stuck in my own little world, no one close to me was suffering with any chronic debilitating disease of any kind, so the existence of it in any shape, just didn’t occur to me. This feels awful to say when I always considered myself an empathic person. If I can only muster up one silver lining to all this, it is that. I now have immeasurable empathy and sympathy for so many. I read every story, every article I come across, that’s how I fill my time and boy, does it hit me hard, and I genuinely feel their pain.
Now then, if you’ve got this far, I’m grateful. I apologize for the negativity and for seemingly luring you into my blog in a false sense of security. I did promise to empower those in my position and from all paths. I will I promise.
I should explain that I’ve decided to sort of, document my life. That’s what this blog was always meant for. However, I have realized that in doing so, I need to be real. Not engineered or manufactured, because that’s exactly the opposite of what we are.
I fully intend to share my journey. A journey that starts here, with me writing this “off the cuff” letter so to speak, to all of you. I’ll be honest, this is a truly selfish act and I do sincerely apologize for that. I hope beyond hope, that this will also serve to be a beacon for me, a light in the tunnel if you will. A focus, a reason, a motivator and a kind of public therapy. I know I’m not alone when I admit that mustering up the strength to fight this fight for myself, is hard. There are walls. Massive brick, barbed wire lined towering walls. But I know that if by some miracle, that I reach just one person; one person who wants to enlighten me or should we call it that, group therapy?? We can chat and rant and share and do whatever we want. Share ideas, emotions, stories, and lives. And help each other to live? That sound like a reasonable deal?
Here’s a sad/cute pug picture to smooth things over and with any luck, seal the deal??
xoxox Adeana xoxox