“These things happened for you, not to you!”
Light is the new Black, Rebecca Campbell.
Ok so I’ve had a very recent realization. I’m actually listening to my body. All this time I’ve been punishing myself for the things I can’t do when in fact I’ve actually been becoming more in tune with the needs of this vessel I live in and thus, working towards my true purpose. In that I hope at least.
I’ve given myself down the banks more times than I care to recall. Thinking I’d failed for having to give up work, for being unable to do so many of the things that I once took for granted. But here’s the thing, I was listening to my body!! For so long I kept hearing from my array of specialists that I needed to slow down and listen to my body. This seemed impossible. How do you have a life when you need to slow down as much as I deep down, knew I needed to.
As usual, the fear came down to money. How will I survive if I don’t work? What will I do and how long will it be before I’m fit and well and bloody superwoman so I can get my ass back to the expected grind? Day in, day out.
It’s only recently that I’ve started to wonder if this can be different. Yes I had ideas and ambitions when I left work, still wanting to make it in a patriarchal society believing that my blood sweat and tears would equate to at least a steady income. But how is it so many others seem to manage this without the blood sweat and endless tears? There’s got to be another way!
As much as I sit here thinking I’m not a writer, I feel there’s at least a part of what I’m doing here that’s shining my purpose. I think I’m meant to share my life. This almost seems uncharacteristically normal of me, but I don’t mean this in the traditional sense when someone wishes to share his or her life with another. I’ve always had a knack for inadvertently avoiding the crowd. What I mean is, I think I’m meant to inspire people, to share my stories and to give them a glimmer of hope.
I’ve always considered myself a plain Jane, the mundane, the two a penny. At the same time also feeling like the black sheep. But as I’m growing I’m really starting to believe that I’m not. At least not in the way I thought. I don’t shy into the background and I’m finally seeing that and grateful for it. Please don’t misinterpret this in a sense of a need to gain some sort of false “celebrity” status, that’s not my intention. I guess what I mean is, I can either choose to use my gifts for good or evil, be the villain or the hero. Yes an exaggeration in terms, but why not? It’s up to me how I choose to interpret the turmoil’s in my life, and if we twist these things on their heads and call even a negative experience a ‘gift”, then I can use that experience to do good, surely?
It’s funny really, I read somewhere recently that we live in a society of ‘before and afters’. I can’t argue with that. We are bombarded on social media with the starting point and the end point, whether it be a diet, a spiritual awakening or a complete life overhaul. I don’t know where my journey is going or what my present feeling of purpose will turn into, all I know is that I’m sharing the middle. The unsure bit, the time before the “after”.
Like the wise Rebecca Campbell said, “these things happen for you, not to you”. Please don’t underestimate the power of inverting things in this way, of looking at things from another angle, thinking outside of the box. I can honestly say that if I can dream of a silver lining to all of this, to this upheaval in my life, it’s that if I can help just one person. If I can ramble into the abyss of the World Wide Web and only reach one soul, a soul who needs to know they’re not alone, then it’s all worth it.